City of Devils
by christmasinacup
Summary: "Find somebody to learn, boy you gotta love someone more than yourself / I can feel the fire of the city lights burn / It's hard to find angels in hell." Joan and Arthur adopt Joan's niece during a time of struggle within Joan's family, causing Joan to realize that no matter how dangerous her job is, she can't alienate herself from the people she loves.
1. Chapter 1

I hope you guys enjoy this story... I don't even know where the idea came from, but I wrote this whole first chapter in under an hour a few nights ago and it just took on a life of its own... this story will have quite a few chps, but I'm not sure what I want the end result to be yet, so bear with me! And let me know if you have any ideas/suggestions while you read the story. Review & Enjoy!

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Joan sat on her and Arthur's bed in jeans and a pink sweater, scrolling through the men's section on the J. Crew website. Arthur birthday was in a few weeks, and she always bought his presents in advance, because hiding anything, even a birthday present, from him was extremely difficult. She smiled to herself as she passed a section of polo shirts. Every time Arthur wore a polo, it reminded her of the days when they first began dating. They would often schedule lunch dates after his golf sessions while he was still married to Gina.

Joan's trip down memory lane was interrupted by her phone ringing. She assumed it was Arthur, asking what takeout she wanted for dinner. She went home early because there was nothing urgent to do in the DPD, and he stayed a few hours later, promising to return home with hot takeout by 8:30 pm.

"Hello?," she said breezily, closing her laptop.

"Joan? It's Cat."

"Cat!," Joan smiled. Catherine, her oldest sister, lived in Portland. They only saw each other on holidays, and mostly emailed back and forth, so it was always nice to talk on the phone when they could. "How are you?"

"Joanie, listen." Her sister's tone was serious. "I'm in North Carolina. Lily… she had another episode. A big one."

Joan froze. Lily was the youngest of the four sisters in Joan's family. Catherine was the oldest, then Elizabeth, Joan, and little Lily. Joan was fiercely protective of her sister, not just because she was a 36-year-old widowed single mom with a teenage daughter, but because she had been suffering from bipolar disorder since she was 15.

It was quite a sad story, to be honest. The 4 girls were raised by their mother, and their father left when they were young. Joan was only 6, but Cat was 13. She used to tell Joan that "daddy loved us, but needed some alone time." Joan and her sisters never wasted energy on feeling abandoned, and growing up in a house of 5 girls was actually kind of fun. But that house soon emptied out as all the girls went off to college. Lily was the baby of the family, 5 years younger than Joan, so when Joan got the call that Lily was in the hospital, she skipped the last 3 weeks of her fall term at Penn State and came right home.

Lily went on medication, and managed her condition quite well until she got married. Joan and her sisters were worried, especially after a 23-year-old Lily proudly announced that she was pregnant one Thanksgiving, but everything was going well. Lily and her husband, Michael, moved to the small town in North Carolina where he grew up, and raised their daughter, Audrey, in the house Michael grew up in. He was an only child, and his parents died when he was in high school, so Audrey and Lily were his only true family. Joan felt a slight twinge of envy for her sister, who was living a wonderful life with her little family, but mostly she was happy for her. In every picture Lily sent to her sisters, she was smiling brightly, kissing her husband, or with her arms wrapped around her daughter.

Right before Audrey's birth, Lily decided to stop taking her medication. She said that it made her tired, and she didn't want it to affect her daughter. The doctor okay-ed it, and so Lily was medication-free, and doing well. But when Audrey was 4, Michael was killed while serving in Iraq.

It still scared Joan when she thought of the weeks after Michael's death. She and Arthur had been married for about 2 years, and they both dropped everything at work to go to North Carolina. Arthur made just been made DCS, so he only stayed a few days, but Joan stayed 2 weeks. It was awful. Lily was barricaded in her bedroom, and when Joan and Elizabeth tired to coax her out, she would throw a fit. Cat took Audrey to the park on these days, when Lily would throw things and scream until she lost her voice. She would cut herself and drink and cry, refusing to believe that she had lost her husband.

Eventually, things got under control, and Lily slowly went on with her life. She was the school nurse for the local elementary/middle school that housed grades K-8, so she had the same schedule as her daughter and was able to spend time with her. She never went back on her meds, saying that Audrey needed her to be 100%. There was the occasional breakdown, but Lily had a good support system in town and her sisters were always a call away.

"What happened?," Joan asked, fearing the worst.

"Audrey called her best friend from school at 5 pm, saying that she hadn't been picked up. Today was Lily's off day, so she was running errands. Audrey went home with her friend, and the mother called Lily repeatedly, but there was no answer. They got in contact with a neighbor, who went over to the house and found Lily on the couch, unconscious. They rushed her to the hospital and Audrey called me, because she knew I was at UNC visiting Emily."

Emily was Cat's daughter and a sophomore at University of North Carolina, 3 hours away from where Lily lived.

Joan gasped. "Is she okay? Did you call Lizzie? Mom?"

"She's stable, but it looks like she took a lot of pills. I called Mom, but she's in London, so she won't be here til tomorrow. And I'm calling Lizzie next. You live closer, so I thought…"

"Arthur and I will be on the next flight," Joan said, jumping up and searching for her gray peacoat. When Cat said "pills," Joan felt slightly guilty, because she hadn't told her sisters that she had recently relapsed. She always told Lily, because Lily had struggled with drug abuse right around the time of her diagnosis. It was something they shared, sadly. Joan always attributed her and Lily's drug problems to their father, because their mother had never even smoked a cigarette. At 78, she was still in good health and teaching English Literature at Penn State.

But Joan was better now, and there was no need to make matters worse. Her sisters didn't need to know about her overdose, they needed to focus on Lily.

"Okay. I'm going to go call Lizzie. I'll see you soon, Joanie."

"Yeah… Wait, what about Audrey?"

"She's here with me. All I told her was that her mom wasn't feeling well."

Joan sighed. "Don't tell her yet, okay? Let's wait."

"Fine," Cat said wearily. "But Joan, she knows her mother has an illness."

"I know. But I don't want her to get too scared."

"Okay. See you soon. Love you."

"Love you too," Joan mumbled, dropping her phone onto the bed. She sank to the floor, still in shock.

"Joan?" Arthur walked into the bedroom, holding a bouquet of pink roses. Joan hadn't heard his car, so she was startled. She looked up at the door and saw her husband, a big smile on his face and her favorite flowers in his hand. The second he saw her face, he knew something was wrong. He set the flowers on the dresser and rushed to her side.

"Honey, is everything okay?"

Joan shook her head. "No. Lily… she's in the hospital."

Arthur looked shocked. "What happened?"

"She overdosed," Joan whispered, looking at the floor. After a few minutes, she looked at Arthur. He put his hand on her cheek.

"Oh, honey," he said. He stood up, pulling Joan with him. "We need to get down there right away."

Joan nodded, glad that her husband always knew what to do. He kissed her forehead and quickly changed into jeans and a sweater while Joan called the airport to see when the next flight to North Carolina was.

She slipped on her black ballet flats, located her coat, and grabbed a striped scarf.

"I just reserved two tickets for us on a 9:45 flight," she said to Arthur, grabbing her purse. He nodded.

"I'll call the Agency when we get to the airport, put Auggie in charge of your desk and find someone for mine."

"No, do it on the way. I'll drive," Joan said, digging her car keys out of her purse. Arthur took her hand in his and they walked downstairs.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yes. I may be in shock, but I can still drive."

Arthur smiled and kissed her before they got in the car. He knew how much Joan loved her sisters, and how important it was to her that they get there as soon as possible.

Joan hit the gas, thinking of Audrey as she drove. How do you tell a 13-year-old girl that her mother can't take care of herself anymore? Joan knew that after this incident, Lily would have to stay at the hospital for a while. Cat said that Audrey knew her mom was bipolar, and it was true, she did. But Joan didn't want Audrey to grow up fearing that she would become her mother. Just like Joan and Lily would have if their dad had been around. Sometimes, just because of this fact, Joan was glad her father left.

Joan put her father out of her head and took a right turn, getting off the freeway and heading towards the airport. Arthur was still on the phone, arguing with someone at Langley.

"No, Anderson will be supervising Joan's desk… Yes, I am aware of that. Well find someone who can do my job with a certain level of competence… what? The last person who covered for me was Joan… I'm not saying anyone can do it as well as her, but I want the next best thing…. I'll be back in a few days, but just find someone, Bill…. godammit."

He hung up and rubbed his temples. Joan smiled.

"Did you just say that because I'm right next to you?"

He shook his head and leaned over to kiss her hair. "No, I said it because it's true."

They parked their car and walked hand in hand to the terminal, where Arthur dealt with their tickets. They reached their gate just in time, and Joan remained completely silent until the plane took off. She turned to Arthur and whispered, "Arthur, I.. I never told my sisters about my relapse."

"I figured," he said, squeezing her hand. "It's okay, honey. Don't think about it."

"I just… Lily overdosed, and if I had called her a few weeks ago and told her what I went through, and how I stopped myself, maybe…"

"Shhh, no," Arthur said soothingly. He pulled Joan closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. "This is not your fault. Lily has been this way for 20 years. You couldn't have prevented it."

Joan sighed. "I guess."

"The flight is only an hour or so, soon enough you will be able to see her. She's stable, Joan. She'll be okay."

"But everything is going to change," Joan said. "I'm worried that an upset in her life will make matters worse, and if they decide she needs to stay in the hospital, she won't get to be with Audrey. Her daughter means the world to her, Arthur. She can't get better without her."

"She may have to," Arthur said. "But she has 3 wonderful sisters to help her."

Joan nodded and went back to being silent for the rest of the flight.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: _ Ahhh, I always change the names of Joan's sisters. Oops. Well, whatever. I like to visualize the characters in my head when I write, so here is who I imagine everyone to be:_

_Lily (age 36, lives in NC) – Dianna Agron _

_Joan & Arthur are obviously Kari & Peter, and in this story, Joan is about 41_

_Elizabeth (46, lives in Connecticut) – Kelly Rutherford [she also has 16 year old twins, Megan and Jacob, who look like Bridgit Mendler & Josh Hutcherson]_

_Catherine/Cat (54, lives in Portland) – Kelly Rowan _

_Emily (20, Cat's daughter) – Taylor Swift _

_Oh, and don't hate me, but listening to "What Sarah Said" by Deathcab for Cutie while you read this will add to the effect ;) And sorry this is a short chapter!_

* * *

When they arrived in North Carolina, they immediately took a cab to the hospital. It was about an hour away, so Joan turned on her phone and called Cat.

"Cat? We just landed, we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Okay. Lizzie just boarded a flight, and so did mom. When you get here, I'm going to take Audrey home so she can sleep."

"Good idea. Is Lil awake yet?"

"No. But the doctor said it may be a few hours."

"Alright. See you soon, sis."

Joan hung up and stuffed her phone in her jacket pocket, the leaned against Arthur. He held her in his arms, and they rode to the hospital in silence, again.

xxxx

"Hi, I'm looking for my sister... Lily Andrews…" Joan said to the receptionist at the ER desk. "Wait, actually, she's probably under her married name, Fox. Lily Fox."

"Room 317," the receptionist said. Joan quickly thanked her and then ran to the elevator, Arthur on her heels.

"Joan, take a deep breath," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. Joan did, and then she looked Arthur in the eye.

"If Lily has to stay in the hospital, I want Audrey to live with us. We live the closest, and I want her to be as close to her mom as she can."

Arthur nodded, without even giving it a second thought. "Of course."

Joan smiled, albeit weakly, and placed a kiss on his lips. The elevator doors opened, and Joan saw her older sister a few feet down the hall. In a purple sweater-dress, tights, black boots, and a trench-coat, she looked 5 years younger than she really was, as always. She saw Joan and waved.

Joan ran into Cat's arms, hugging her tightly.

"Oh Catie," she whispered. "I wish…"

"I know," Cat said as they pulled apart. "Me too."

Cat and Arthur exchanged hugs, and Arthur cleared his throat.

"So, where's…"

"With Emily," Cat said. "They went to the snack machine."

Arthur nodded. "Before they get back, Joan and I have a proposition…"

"We want Audrey to stay with us for a while," Joan blurted. Arthur squeezed her hand. "We live the closest, and I want her to feel as close to Lily as she can."

Cat nodded. "I was thinking that Audrey would stay with one of us, even if Lily didn't need to stay in the hospital. She's 13, she needs a stable and healthy environment. Until Lily is doing better and is back on her medication, she should be alone. She can barely take care of herself as it is."

They were all quiet for a moment, because they knew it was true. Sad, but true.

"Aunt Joan!"

Joan turned and saw a tall blonde in jeans, lace up boots, and a gray sweater walking towards her. She held her arms out and encircled her niece.

"Hey, Em," she whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair. Emily hugged back, and then pulled away.

"Hi."

"You're so tall!," Joan said, astonished. Emily nodded and smiled, but it was dampened by the circumstances. Neither one knew what to say, but thankfully Audrey arrived and they didn't have to.

"Hey, Audrey," Joan said, pulling the young girl into her arms. Audrey hugged her tightly.

"Hi Aunt Joan," she whispered. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her long blonde hair was tangled. Joan wiped the tears from Audrey's cheek with her thumb and kissed her cheek.

"How are you?," Joan asked, knowing the answer. Audrey shrugged.

"I don't know." She looked around and pulled Joan a few steps away from the others. Fortunately, Arthur, Emily, and Cat were having a conversation about UNC.

"Aunt Joan, all Emily and Aunt Catie said was that mom's sick, but it worse than that, right?"

Joan bit her lip. Audrey had matured a little faster than a young girl should have to, because of her mother's situation. She was smart and perceptive, and she knew it was bad. Joan nodded.

"Yes, honey. Your mom is going to have to stay in the hospital for a while."

"Like a few months? Because I know she always says she's going to get better, but I always hear her cry at night."

Joan felt an enormous amount of pain for her niece. She hugged her again.

"We don't know, baby. We'll find out when she wakes up."


	3. Chapter 3

Joan woke up the next morning in a chair in the hospital waiting room. Cat was back at the house with Audrey, Emily had to go back to school, and Arthur was in the chair beside her, with his hand on her leg. Elizabeth had arrived early that morning, so she was with Cat and Audrey.

"Mhhmm good morning, honey," Joan mumbled, rubbing her forehead. Arthur smiled and handed her a paper cup of coffee. She smiled gratefully and took a sip.

"Cat and Elizabeth are dropping Audrey at a friend's house and then coming over here," Arthur said. Joan nodded.

"Is she awake?"

"Not yet," Arthur said quietly. "I'm sorry, honey."

Joan stood up and reached down to touch her toes, then stretched out her arms. Arthur stood up too, and Joan wrapped her arms around him. They stood there for a few seconds before breaking apart. Joan took Arthur's hand in hers and together they walked down the hall to Lily's room.

"Joan!"

Elizabeth pulled her sister into her arms, placing a kiss on each cheek.

"Hey, Lizzie," Joan mumbled into her sister's blonde curls. "How are you?"

"Oh, fine," Elizabeth said breezily. Joan half-smiled. Elizabeth was always poised, and always approached things calmly. Her defect was to act like nothing was wrong, and to be her bubbly, talkative self. Cat came up behind her and put a hand on Joan's shoulder.

"Arthur, look at you!," Elizabeth said. "Very handsome, as always."

Arthur smiled. "Thank you, Lizzie. How's the family?"

"David is loving his new position as senior partner at the firm, and Jake and Megan both just got their driver's licenses."

Arthur nodded and smiled. They all knew that the casual conversation was hiding the real reason they were all gathered there, but it felt wrong to just sit in silence.

The door to Lily's room opened, and a nurse walked out.

"Are you all waiting for Lily Fox?"

Joan nodded vigorously. "Yes, I'm her sister."

"Well, she's awake. You can see her now. No more than 3 people at a time, please."

"Thanks," Joan mumbled. She grabbed Elizabeth's hand, and Elizabeth grabbed Cat's. The three of them walked into the bland hospital room, and Joan had to hold back a gasp. Lily was sitting up in bed, her hair tangled and her eyes puffy from crying. She had a thick bandage wrapped around her left wrist, and her lips were chapped.

"Hey, girls," Lily croaked, her lips cracking into a weak smile.

They all sat on the bed, trying to keep their faces neutral. Joan spoke first.

"Lil, we're so glad you're alright."

"Yeah," Cat chimed in, squeezing Lily's hand. "You scared us."

Lily nodded and bit her lip. "I'm so, so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to... to lose control. Is Audrey okay?"

Elizabeth nodded. "She's at a friend's house."

Lily sighed and put her head in her hands. "She deserves better. I keep failing her as a mother.."

"Oh, honey, no," Cat said, stroking Lily's hair. "You are the most dedicated mother I know. You're wonderful, and she knows you are doing your best. It hasn't been easy."

"But I never went back on my medication, or asked for help. I tried to everything all on my own, and look where it got me."

"But you're still here," Joan said. "We are all here for you, and we love you. Arthur is outside, Emily was here last night… you have a huge support system, and you're not alone."

Lily looked up at her sisters, with tears in her eyes. "Then why do I feel like this?"

Elizabeth sighed. "We don't know, Lil. But we are going to get you the help you need, and be here every step of the way."

"Yes, we will," Cat said. "I was thinking maybe I'd stay out here with you for a while, unless…"

"Unless I want to stay at the hospital," Lily whispered. "Like I did when it all started."

Joan nodded. "We just want the best for you, Lil."

Lily thought about it, but then shook her head. "No, I can't. I have to take care of Audrey, and I can't stop working."

Joan took her sister's hand. "Arthur and I will take care of Audrey. We only live a state away, so we can bring her for visits on the weekends. We have no kids of our own to worry about, a big house with extra bedroom, and we adore her."

Lily smiled softly. "You'd do that, Joanie?"

"Oh, Lil," Joan whispered, leaning in to hug her sister. "I'd do anything for you."

Cat and Elizabeth joined in on the hug, and the four of them just sat there for a moment, breathing in a mix of each other's perfumes and feeling like they were kids again. For everything became complicated.

"Well, would you look at that," a voice said from the doorway. "The Andrews sisters, together again."

They all looked up. A woman in a black coat, gray pants, a printed scarf, and her silver-y blonde hair in a French twist stood there, a warm smile on her face.

"Mom!," Elizabeth gaped. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around their mother, who was smiling. Joan and Cat got up, joining in on yet another group hug.

Violet Andrews smiled. "It's so nice to see all my girls together again." She looked over at the bed. Lily raised her hand in a weak wave.

"Hey, momma."

"Oh, baby," Violet said, sitting down on the bed next to her youngest daughter. She kissed Lily's cheek.

"What happened?"

Lily sighed and stared at her lap. "I don't know."

Violet let out a deep breath. "Honey, I love you, but we need to stop this pattern. Now, I'm on sabbatical this year, so I will staying here with you."

Elizabeth and Joan shared a glance. While their mother was loving and never judgmental, she was always cut the crap and got straight to the point.

"I understand Joanna will be taking care of Audrey," Violet continued.

Joan groaned. "Mother!"

Joanna was Joan's birth name, after Violet's mother, but it was rarely used. Except for by her mother, and not often until Joan was an adult. Joan always figured it was her mother babying her, but it bothered her nonetheless. It wasn't that she didn't like the name, but it made her feel like a child.

"Darling, I'm sorry, but it's a lovely name," Violet said. Cat laughed. Violet wasn't sorry at all. She loved to remind her daughters who was in charge, even though none of them had lived at home for over 20 years.

Lily was able to force out a laugh, which made everyone smile.

"You ladies look happy," Arthur commented from the door. Violet grinned.

"Arthur! You look dapper, as always."

Arthur chuckled and came over to the bed. He kissed Violet's cheek.

"Nice to see you, Violet. How was London?"

"Oh, rainy. Quite dreary, actually. But wonderful, as always."

The girls smiled.

"Hey, when can I see Audrey?," Lily asked quietly. "I want to explain everything to her before she goes back to Virginia with you guys."

Cat nodded. "I'll go pick her up." She stood up and kissed Lily's forehead.

"Hang in there, baby sister."

Lily nodded, and turned to her mother.

"Thanks for coming, mom. But you don't need to stay, I won't even be home."

"You're not getting rid of me that easy, Lillian," she said seriously. "I will be here for you."

Lily smiled. "Thanks, momma."

Elizabeth, Joan, and Arthur smiled.

"Mom, we're going to get some food," Joan said, kissing her mother on the cheek. "Lily, we'll be back soon, okay? I want to talk to your doctor before the move you to the psych floor, and then Arthur and I will take Audrey back home to pack a bag."

Lily nodded. "Thanks again, Joanie."

Joan nodded. "Love you, Lil."

"You too."

Joan stood up, and Arthur put his arm around her waist. Elizabeth squeezed Lily's hand, and then got up to follow Joan and Arthur. Joan felt a pain forming her chest as they left the hospital. As much as their family all loved each other, it was beyond rare for them to all be the same place. Even Christmas was sometimes missing a few people. Joan's job had never made it easy to see her family often, but there was always guilt in the back of her mind that her sisters had no idea what she did for a living. They had been so close when they were younger, and Joan had distanced herself in an attempt to keep her family safe. Nevertheless, she hated herself for it everyday.

* * *

I imagine Violet, their mother, looking like Meryl Streep. And I decided that Andrews was Joan's maiden name, because it's pretty basic and I couldn't think of anything else. Did you enjoy it? :)


	4. Chapter 4

By the end of the day, Joan, Arthur, and Audrey were back in Virginia. Elizabeth and Cat were staying another day before going home, and Violet was going to be staying in Lily's house while she was in the hospital, visiting her whenever she could. For now, Lily was bound to a 3-month stay in the hospital, with counseling every day and a new medication trial.

"So, Audrey, welcome to our home."

Arthur lead them into the foyer, and Audrey gaped. He set her suitcase down and took out his phone to check his messages.

"Wow, you guys have a really big house. Have I been here before?"

"When you very little," Joan said with a smile. She pointed to a framed picture on the living room wall. "Take a look."

It was a picture of Joan, Cat, Elizabeth and Lily on the same exact couch the picture was a few feet away from. A two-year-old Audrey sat in her mother's lap, grinning happily. Audrey smiled.

"You're all so pretty," she said. Joan laughed and stroked her niece's silky blonde hair.

"Wait til you get a little older, honey. You'll have boys lining up around the block."

Audrey laughed, as if she idea was absurd. "Sure, Aunt Joan."

Arthur caught Joan's eye and smiled, remembering how irresistible he had found her when they first met. He still couldn't take his eyes off of her, more than 10 years later.

"Hey, Audrey, want to see your room?," he asked, picking her suitcase back up. She nodded and took Joan's hand.

"Yeah, okay."

They led her down the hall to a guest bedroom with a window facing the backyard. It was simple – a queen-sized bed with a light blue floral comforter, a desk, and a Degas ballerina print framed on the wall. The walls were light grey, and all the furniture was white.

Audrey took in her surroundings quietly, and Joan shot Arthur a look of worry. Arthur replied with a quick shake of his head and a "don't worry" look.

"I like the Degas," Audrey finally said, smiling at Joan. Joan nodded.

"We got that together, remember?"

Audrey's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! When I was in first grade, you and Mom and I spent a weekend in New York City for her birthday."

"Yep. We went to museums, and saw a Broadway show, and had lunch at the Plaza. I bought this print at the Met after you said that the tutus were pretty."

Audrey nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. Joan could tell that thinking of Lily was hard for her right now. Arthur sensed it too, and he put a hand on Joan's shoulder.

"Audrey, why don't we give you some time to unpack, and I'll order dinner. What kind of pizza do you like?"

"Pepperoni is yummy," Audrey said. Then, she wrapped her arms around Arthur. He looked surprised, and Joan smiled. She had always thought Arthur would make a good father, if they had the chance.

"Thanks, you guys," she mumbled, letting go of Arthur and hugging Joan. Joan squeezed back, kissing her niece on the head.

"Of course, sweetie," she whispered. She looked into the girl's grey-blue eyes, the exact ones that her mother had, and felt a lump in her throat.

"We're here for you, okay?"

Audrey nodded, and took her suitcase from Arthur. Joan took her husband's hand and they walked down the hall, sitting on the couch in the living room. The second they heard Audrey's door close, Joan collapsed against Arthur's chest and started to cry. He held her close, and together they sat there, finally letting the last 2 days sink in.

xxxx

A few days later, it was Audrey's first day of school. The middle school closest to Joan and Arthur's home was private and required uniforms, so that morning, Joan helped Audrey spice up her plaid skirt, knee socks and white button-down.

"How about the pink ballet flats and this necklace?," Joan asked, rummaging through her jewelry box and holding up a Kate Spade piece with crystal flowers. Audrey grinned.

"Really?"

Joan nodded with a smile. "Oh yeah. It's perfect for you." She fastened it around Audrey's neck and adjusted it under the collar of the button down. "It's a good thing you don't have to wear a tie."

Audrey crinkled her nose. "Yeah, I don't like ties." She slipped on her ballet flats and did a little twirl for her aunt. Joan clapped.

"Beautiful." She slid off the bed and cupped Audrey's chin. "Now, honey, you don't have to tell anyone about your mom. Just say you're living with your aunt and uncle for a while, okay?"

Audrey nodded. "Can we text mom?"

Joan shook her head sadly. "No, honey, she doesn't have her phone. But we can send a picture to Grandma, and she will show it your mom when she visits later today."

Audrey nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. "Okay."

Arthur entered the room and did a double take. "Audrey, you look like... Blair Waldorf. Right?"

Audrey giggled. "Uncle Arthur, do you watch Gossip Girl?"

He shook his head and laughed. "No. I did some research, though."

Joan nudged Audrey. "I caught him googling "what teenage girls like" last night."

Arthur sighed. "Guilty as charged." He adjusted his red tie and looked at Joan.

"Honey, we'll leave in half an hour okay?"

Joan nodded, then turned to Audrey. "Ready to walk to the bus stop?"

Audrey nodded and took a deep breath. "Guess so."

Joan put her coat on over her cobalt blue sheath dress and Audrey slipped on a black peacoat. She picked up her backpack and followed Joan out the front door.

"Have a great day, Audrey," Arthur said from the doorway. She nodded.

"Thanks. I will."

Audrey and Joan walked down the street in silence, wind softly blowing around their identical blonde waves. Joan wanted to say something, anything, to break the silence, but she didn't know what. Finally, Audrey said something.

"Aunt Joan, thanks again for letting me stay with you guys. It's really great of you to help out my mom."

"Of course, honey. Your mother is my baby sister, I'd do anything for her. And I'd do anything for you," Joan said, smiling. "You know, she'd be here if she could."

Audrey nodded. "I know," she said confidently. "She's a good mom, and I know she loves me. I guess it's just hard for her to make sure I'm okay and she's okay too."

Joan nodded. "She has been dedicated to you since the moment you were born, and will do anything to make sure you have the best life possible."

"Even if it means sending me away for a while," Audrey stated. It wasn't a question, and she didn't sound hurt, she just stated it. Like she was saying Barack Obama was the President. The fact that her mother couldn't always take care of her just _was_, and she had made her peace with that. It saddened Joan that such a young girl had to accept that her mother couldn't even take care of herself sometimes. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Michael died, or that Lily had her disorder, or that Audrey was often alone.

They reached the bus stop and Joan bent down to kiss Audrey's cheek.

"Have a good day," she whispered. "I know starting at a new school in the middle of September is sort of weird, but if anyone can do it, you can. Be strong."

Audrey smiled a real, genuine smile. "Thanks Aunt Joan. I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Text me at lunch, okay?"

Audrey nodded and stepped towards the bus. Joan waited until she saw her niece sitting down, then waved to her. Audrey waved back, and then the bus drove away, leaving Joan with an empty feeling in her stomach.

When she got home, she still felt empty. She made a beeline for the kitchen and pulled a carton of Vanilla Bean out of the freezer. Arthur came into the kitchen when Joan was just a few spoonfuls in.

"Joan?"

She looked up. "Sorry," she said sheepishly, her mouth full of ice cream. She swallowed, and then set the carton and spoon down on the counter. Arthur came over and put his arm around her. He chuckled and wiped a drop of ice cream from above her lip.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything," she sighed, looking into his deep blue eyes. "She shouldn't have to go through this."

Arthur nodded. "Ah. Well, my darling, we can't do anything but make her feel at home. Audrey really is a wonderful girl, and I'm sure she will be fine. She's tough, like her aunt."

Joan nodded, but couldn't help thinking: _But not like her mother._

xxxx

Joan arrived at the DPD a little later than normal, and she passed Auggie's office on the way to hers, beckoning for him and Annie to follow. Annie, who was sitting on the edge of Auggie's desk, tugged on his arm and together they followed Joan to her office.

"Joan, good morning. Do I smell vanilla?"

Joan pursed her lips, but couldn't help grinning. "You know I hate that trick."

Auggie grinned, a sparkle in his warm brown eyes, and shrugged. "Maybe it'll grow on you."

Joan just sighed and rolled her eyes at Annie, who giggled. She hung up her coat and bag, and then sat down at her desk.

"So, I understand you two took over for the last few days. Now, the building hasn't burned down, so I'm assuming everything went smoothly?"

Annie nodded. "Everything went well here, no major takeovers."

"Yep," Auggie seconded. "Arthur's desk was actually a bit boring. I thought being the DCS would be more fun!"

Joan laughed. "Well, I can tell you from experience, it's quite the headache. We go through a lot of Scotch in our house, and that's on the easier days."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, but Joan powered through it.

"I actually wanted to thank you two for helping out, and I may need you to continue to take on extra responsibilities around the DPD for the next few months."

Auggie and Annie both looked curious, but Auggie spoke first.

"May I ask why?"

Joan nodded. "Yes." She took a deep breath, hoping she could explain it without falling apart.

"My younger sister is in the hospital, and her daughter is staying with Arthur and me."

"Oh, Lily?" Auggie looked sad. Joan was confused, but then she remembered that Auggie had met all of her sisters at her and Arthur's wedding. "I thought she was doing better."

Joan sighed and shook her head, even though Auggie couldn't see her. "No. She didn't want to go back on her medication, even after Michael died, because she didn't want it holding her back while she was trying to take care of Audrey."

Auggie nodded somberly. "He was good man." Joan knew that Auggie sympathized with Lily's situation in a special way, because many of his army buddies had died in combat and left families behind.

Annie still looked confused.

"I'm sorry, Annie," Joan said. "This probably makes no sense to you."

Annie shook her head. "Yeah, I'm a bit lost."

"It's okay." Joan smiled sadly. "Lily is my little sister, the baby of the family. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 15, and stopped taking her medication after she got married. Everything was going well until her husband, Michael, was killed in Iraq, leaving her widowed with a daughter. She had a rather large breakdown a few days ago and the doctors think it is in her best interest for her to stay in the hospital for a minimum of 3 months. She is in North Carolina, and Arthur and I live the closest to her and can visit the most often, so we offered to take care of her daughter 13-year-old daughter, Audrey."

Annie's face was a mix of pain and sympathy.

"Oh, Joan, I am so sorry..."

Joan nodded. "Thank you," she said tightly, trying to ward off any further conversation.

"I want to be able to spend as much time with Audrey as I can, so she has a stable environment, so I may be leaving early most days, and taking off weekends unless there is an emergency. No one in my family knows what I do – they all think I am a lawyer, and I want to keep it that way."

Auggie and Annie both nodded.

"Whatever we can do to help," Auggie said. Annie nodded.

"Yes, please let us know if there is anything we can do."

Joan smiled. "I will, thank you."

They left, with Annie giving Joan a little wave as she closed the door. Joan kept smiling until the door closed, and then she put her head down on her desk.

The blinds over Joan's glass walls stayed closed all day, and Joan kept to herself. She had no current field missions for any of her operatives, and nothing urgent had come up.

She was just thinking about taking a break to have lunch up in Arthur's office when her phone buzzed. She fished it out of her desk drawer, instantly worried that something happened to Audrey at school.

_Audrey Fox: Hey Aunt Joan :) __ It's lunch & the food here is waay better than my old school! I'm having chicken soup right now! And it's hot!_

Joan smiled.

_Joan Campbell: Glad to hear it, honey. Soups sounds yummy… I think that's what I'll have for lunch too!_

_Audrey Fox: Awesome :) __ See u at home._

_Joan Campbell: Sure thing. U have a house key, right? And u know how to get home from the bus stop? _

_Audrey Fox: Yep. Left turn, walk 2 blocks, right turn. _

_Joan Campbell: That's my girl! I'll be home around 5 _

_Audrey: OK. Love u._

_Joan Campbell: Love u too._

Joan sighed with relief and put her phone down. She finally understood what it was like to be a parent – always worrying about your child, always making sure they had what they needed. Not that it was a bad deal – there was something satisfying about knowing that there was a child you felt loved. Sometimes, she wished that she and Arthur had children. Now was one of those times.

Speaking of Arthur… she clicked over to her email and typed out a quick message asking if he had time for lunch. Within seconds, she had a reply:

_Sounds perfect, honey. Do you want to bring something up here, or go out?_

She responded that she would bring something up, and then got up from her desk. She passed by Auggie's office again on her way out, and she was just a few steps past his doorway when he called her name.

"Joan."

She took a few steps backward and stuck her head into his office.

"Yes?"

"You're doing an amazing thing for your sister. She's lucky to have you."

Joan smiled.

"Thanks, Auggie."

He nodded and slipped his headphones back on, gently sweeping his fingers over his keyboard. Joan left the DPD and walked to the cafeteria, where she ordered two cups of chicken soup for her and Arthur. As she paid, she realized she hadn't asked Audrey if she had made any friends.

_Stop fretting, Joan_, she scolded herself. _Who wouldn't love Audrey? She'll be fine._

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and thought it fit well with the story! Updates will be slow for the next week, so my apologies, but after that, I will be on Christmas break with plenty of time to write! :)


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This chapter is just a cute little story about Audrey & her first day of school. Hope you like it! I'm in the midst of finals week, so the next update may not come til the weekend.

* * *

Audrey took a deep breath as she stepped off the school bus. Usually, she and her mom went to school together, singing along to the radio and laughing on the way. Then she would sit in the nurse's office until 1st period, where she would sit next to her best friends, Carly and Sara. But at this school, she was a stranger. And instead of 80 kids in her grade, there were about 140. Small for a middle school, but no private school compared to her tiny school back home.

She always felt proud walking the hallways of her school at home, because her dad went there. The office hallway even had a framed picture of him in uniform, with a plaque under it about how he was a "hometown hero."

She made her way to the front office, which was empty. The main desk had a little bell on it, so she rang it and waited. A few seconds later, a kind-looking woman with gray-blonde hair came out from a back office, smiling.

"Sorry, honey. How can I help you?"

"My name is Audrey Fox, and I'm a new student," Audrey said timidly. Then she remembered what Joan said. She stood up a little taller, and raised her voice just the slightest bit. "I have some paperwork from my aunt."

She pulled a folder out of her backpack and handed it to the office secretary. The woman nodded and sat down, typing her name into the computer.

"Yes, here you are….. Audrey Marie Fox. Eighth grade, yes?"

Audrey nodded. "Yes m'am."

"Alright, here we go…" She clicked the mouse a few times, and the printer started to hum. She rolled her chair back, grabbed a few papers out of the printer, and handed them to Audrey.

"This top one is your schedule," she explained, pointing to it. "And then there's a sheet of paper you fill out to get a locker, and... this one is the medical form."

Audrey nodded. "Thank you, ma'am."

The woman grinned. "So proper! You're welcome, sweetie. Where did you transfer from?"

"North Carolina," Audrey said slowly. "I'm spending some time with my aunt and uncle."

"Ahh. Well, have a wonderful first day, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

Audrey noticed a little name plate on the desk and nodded, smiling. "Thank you, Mrs. Dwyer."

The secretary nodded and the phone rang. She picked it up and waved to Audrey as she exited the office.

Audrey looked around the hallway and saw signs directing her towards different sections of the school. Her schedule said that she had History first period in room 256, so she took a flight of stairs on her right. She reached the top of the stairs just as the bell rang, and students started to move towards the classroom doors.

"Hey, I don't think I've seen you before," A boy said, stopping to look at Audrey. She smiled shyly. He was cute, with messy brown hair and a cluster of freckles on his nose.

"I'm new... I mean, Hi. I'm Audrey," she held her hand out. The boy grinned and high-fived her palm.

"I'm Andrew," he said. "What's your first period?"

"History with Ms. Stewart," she said. He nodded and then grabbed her hand, pulling her down the hallway.

"Me too," he said, his blue eyes twinkling. They reminded her of her Uncle Arthur's eyes. "She's really cool. Last week, she let us watch a Scooby Doo movie about a theme park! Once a week, we just get to relax and do something fun that's unrelated to history."

"Really?," Audrey marveled. "At home, we never get to watch Scooby Doo in class! Just documentaries."

"Where is home?," Andrew asked, letting go of her hand. She looked at him in alarm, and he just smiled, then pulled a door open for her. Audrey blushed and walked through.

"North Carolina," she said to him as the door closed behind them. He nodded.

"Sweet. My older sister goes to UNC."

"So does my cousin!," Audrey said. She smiled at Andrew.

"Excuse me, honey, are you Audrey Fox?"

Audrey whipped around and saw a thirty-something woman with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes in a pretty green dress and a black cardigan.

"Yes," she nodded. Andrew nodded at her and then went to sit down in a desk. The teacher led her to the front of the room, where her desk was.

"I'm Ms. Stewart," she said warmly, opening a drawer and pulling out a pink notebook. She pulled a Sharpie out of a cup filled with pens and wrote Audrey's name on it in loopy cursive.

"Here you go," she said, handing the notebook to Audrey. "Keep all your papers for class in this notebook. I print my handouts on smaller paper so we can staple them in, so you won't need an extra binder. And let's see…."

She looked around the room, then pointed to a set two rows behind Andrew. The desks were in organized rows, 5 across and 5 back.

"You can take that seat right there." She looked closely at Audrey's face, squinting.

"You don't wear glasses, right?"

Audrey shook her head. "No ma'am. I can see just fine from the 4th row."

Ms. Stewart smiled. "Great. Why don't you take a seat. Class will start soon."

Audrey nodded and went back to her desk. Students were filing in, all in the same uniform. The boys wore khakis and had plaid ties, and some of the girls wore sweater vests with the school's crest on them, but other than that, they were wearing the same clothes as Audrey. She breathed a sigh of relief and pulled out a pencil, ready to start the day.

Andre turned around in his seat and aimed a paper airplane at her. She giggled as it soared over a few kids' heads, then landed on her desk. She unfolded it and read the note to herself.

_Audrey – what do you have 2__nd__ period? Also, want to join me and my friends for lunch? –Andrew_

Under the note was drawing of a girl with a speech bubble that said, 'Thank you, ma'am!"

Audrey laughed and ripped a page out of her notebook to scribble a reply. She tapped the girl in front of her and whispered, "Will you pass this to Andrew?"

The girl looked confused, because she had never seen Audrey before, but she nodded and took the note. Audrey sat back and smiled. She had never been the new kid before, but it wasn't turning out to be half bad.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it's been a while since I updated! Finals were a bitch :( Enjoy the newest chapter!

* * *

Joan was wrapping up her day at the DPD when she remembered that it had been 5 days since they left North Carolina. She summoned up all her strength and dialed her mother's cell phone number.

"Joanna, my darling! How are you?"

"Fine, mom," Joan said. "How's Lily?"

"She's…" Violet paused. "It's a battle, dear, you know that. It's going to take some time."

Joan sighed. "Yes, mother. I know. But is she…"

"She isn't adjusting well to the hospital, no," Violet said quietly. Joan could hear the exhaustion in her mother's voice. "It's never been this bad, honey. This is even worse than it was when… when it all started."

_You mean, when you found her in the bathtub with both her wrists slashed open at age 15?,_ Joan thought. But she didn't say anything except, "Oh."

"Darling, I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you to see her like this. But there's nothing you could have done."

"Mom," Joan started, taking a deep breath. "Yes, there is. I… I relapsed a few weeks ago."

"Joanna," Violet sighed, her voice full of sympathy. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, I dealt with it on my own. I was going to tell you, and Cat and Lizzie and Lily, but then I started to get better, and then all of this happened... if I had called her, talked it through…"

"Oh, honey. Don't blame yourself for this. You calling your sister and telling her that you relapsed won't change her behavior. She's bipolar. There's no reason or rhyme behind it – if she feels down, she acts like it. You can't save her, Joanie. You always try, but you can't."

Joan bit her tongue to fight off tears. "You're right, mom. Listen, I have… I have a brief to finish writing so I can go home and be with Audrey. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Chin up, dear. We'll get through this, we Andrews women always do."

Joan just mumbled a reply and hung up. She dropped her phone into her purse and sat on the floor, back up against the desk.

Violet was right, Joan always tried to save Lily. And each time, Joan swore she would find a way to prevent the next breakdown. But she never did.

Something inside of Joan made her feel like she _had_ to fight for her sister, no matter what. The second she stopped, Lily would drown. And Joan couldn't let that happen. She was stubborn in the best kind of way when it came to Lily; she refused to admit defeat, even when it was a hopeless battle.

She was seconds from tears, but she stood up, took a few deep breaths, and brushed off her skirt. She picked up her bag, slipped on her coat, and walked out of the DPD. Usually, she and Arthur would carpool, but she had taken her own car today because she knew Arthur wouldn't be ready to leave this early. As she drove home, she blasted The Rolling Stones and tried to put on a happy face for Audrey.

"Aunt Joan!," Audrey yelled when Joan walked in the front door. Joan grinned and held her arms out for Audrey to jump into. Audrey had changed into pink sweatpants and a black and grey thinly striped t-shirt.

"Hey," Joan murmured into the girl's hair. She pulled back, staring into those blue-grey eyes. Lily's eyes. "Did you have a good day?"

Audrey nodded, her eyes bright. "Uh huh. I made some really cool friends."

Joan smiled. "Really?"

"Yep. A boy named Andrew and 2 girls named Lila and Meg," Audrey said, walking down the hall and up the stairs with Joan. She jumped up on the bed and kept telling her aunt about her day as Joan changed into a pale blue ¾ length t-shirt and yoga pants.

"My history teacher is super nice, and she didn't give us any homework! Oh! And every Friday, we have free dress. Will you help me pick out the perfect outfit?"

Joan nodded and sat on the bed beside Audrey. She bent down and kissed the top of her head.

"Yes, I would love to."

"Thanks," Audrey smiled. "Hey, Aunt Joan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we text grandma now? I had Andrew take a picture of me in my uniform and pretty necklace during lunchtime."

Joan nodded, feeling her stomach tie itself in a big knot. She didn't want to get Audrey's hopes up, but at the same time, she didn't want to worry her.

"Sure, sweetheart," she choked out, maintaining her composure. "Why don't you go text that picture to grandma right now, and then you can help me with dinner?"

Audrey nodded and then slid off the bed, running downstairs to find her cell phone. Joan took a deep breath and tied her hair up in a ponytail, hoping that she could find ways to distract Audrey from asking about her mom.

Arthur got home at 7:45 pm and was greeted by the smell of tomato sauce. It wasn't often that he was home before 9:30, or even 10 pm, but he was trying to make an effort for Audrey, just as Joan was.

"Mhhmm, smells good!," he said, flashing a smile at Audrey. "Did you do that all by yourself?"

Audrey laughed. "No, Aunt Joan did most of it. I'm just stirring the sauce."

"And where is Aunt Joan?," Arthur asked cheerfully. Joan came out from the hallway and waved to him.

"Hey," she whispered, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Arthur could sense that something was wrong, so he put his arm around Joan's waist and called, "Audrey, I'm going to go change. Aunt Joan and I will be down in 5 minutes."

"Okay," Audrey called back. Arthur led Joan up the stairs, closing the bedroom door behind them. He sat her down on the bed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Joan, honey, what's wrong?"

"My mother called. She basically said that I can't save Lily, no matter how hard I try," Joan whispered, her voice raspy. She frowned.

"It's like she wants to just keep Lily locked up, so that no one has to deal with any more of the heartache."

"Joan…," Arthur said, pulling her into his arms. "Sweetheart, I'm sure she would never say that."

"I know she didn't mean it that harshly, but it's always been there. I used to see it in her eyes when Lily was in high school – it was so hard to deal with her daughter's problems, because all it did was remind her of our father. She's always been supportive, and she loves us more than anything, but…"

"She's always been supportive. Especially when your addiction first took off. And any time you've relapsed, she's done nothing but be there for you."

"From Pennsylvania. Over the phone, through emails or letters, maybe a weekend visit. But she never had to see me go through the bad things – waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, swallowing Smarties and pretending they were painkillers… She's been helping Lily deal with most of these breakdowns, and I think it's really starting to get to her. Arthur, she can't take it anymore, and this is her way of gently letting Lily go."

"She just wants what's best for her family," Arthur said soothingly. "She isn't trying to let go of Lily."

"But what if she is?," Joan asked, blinking back tears. "What if my mother is too afraid to face whatever may lie ahead? Because if Lil doesn't get better, someone needs to be there for her. I was going to call Cat, see if she had any ideas…."

"Honey, please don't get ahead of yourself," Arthur whispered. He kissed her hair. "Let's give it the 3 months the doctors recommended, and see what happens. You never know, right?"

Joan nodded, but it was an uneasy nod. "Okay. You're right, let's not assume anything. Maybe she will get better this time."

Arthur smiled and hugged Joan, then stood up to change into jeans and a sweatshirt. And Joan sat there, feeling as if she was lying to herself. She remembered every breakdown as clear as her mother did, and there was no way that could change in 3 months.

xxxx

On Friday morning, Joan sat on Audrey's bed, clad in workout wear, helping her choose the perfect "Free Dress Friday" outfit.

"I really like this," Audrey said, holding up a white lace blouse. Joan nodded in approval, smiling.

"That will look wonderful on you, darling."

Audrey beamed. "How about with these jeans…." She pulls out a pair of dark wash boot-cut jeans and tosses them on the bed "…. And these floral ballet flats?"

Joan gives the outfit two thumbs up, grinning at Audrey. She slides off the bed and places a kiss on Audrey's forehead. "I'm going to let you get dressed, baby. Scrambled eggs and a bagel for breakfast?"

Audrey nods. "Thanks Aunt Joan."

"Of course."

The second her aunt closes the door behind her, Audrey sits down on her bed and starts to cry a little. A lump always forms in the back of her throat when Joan mothers her, because it makes her miss her mom. She doesn't want to ask about her yet, because she knows it's a touchy subject and she can tell how hard it is for Aunt Joan to admit that Lily isn't doing well. But part of her wishes she were home with her mom.

Lily was a wonderful mother. She wasn't one of those incompetent moms with problems that you hear about, the ones who just lay around all day, watching tv and taking pills and forgetting to feed their children or pick them up from school. Lily was capable of taking care of both of them, and she did it well. Audrey was always her mother's number one priority, no matter what. Every morning, Lily made her breakfast, packed her a lunch for school, and after school, she made her a snack. Audrey's favorite part of the day was in the afternoons. She would sit at the dining room table and do homework, and her mother would sing along to jazz music and cook dinner. Some nights, when Audrey didn't have a lot of work to do, they would cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie, or a few episodes of _Friends._

Audrey wiped her eyes on her sweatshirt and shook her head. _Stop it,_ she told herself. _Arthur and Joan love you, and all they want is for you to be taken care of. _

She dressed in her white lace top, jeans, floral ballet flats, and a gray cardigan with little bows on the pockets. Then she checked her face in the mirror. You couldn't really tell she had been crying, but Audrey put on a light layer of foundation anyway, to cover up some of the redness on her nose. Then, thinking of Andrew, she added a little mascara and tossed a raspberry lip gloss into her bag for after she ate.

She slung her backpack over one shoulder and ran out into the kitchen to eat breakfast with Joan, pushing away the ugly feelings.


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur, Audrey, and Joan were cuddled up on the living room couch, watching _Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_. Audrey loved Charlie Brown, something that was handed down form her mom. When Joan, Lily, and their sisters were growing up, every holiday had the perfect Charlie Brown movie to go with it. Joan still watched them as an adult, but watching it with her niece was even more fun.

When the movie ended, Audrey stretched her arms out and yawned. Arthur had gotten home late so they hadn't started the movie until 9, and Audrey was exhausted by the end. But she was determined to not fall asleep.

"Audrey, sweetheart, we have something we want to tell you," Joan said, glancing at Arthur. He smiled, and Joan pushed up the sleeves of her gray long-sleeved pajama top, taking Audrey's hands in hers. Audrey was sleepy, but she looked at her aunt.

"After we go to Aunt Elizabeth's house for Thanksgiving with Grandma, we are going to take a trip."

"Where?"

Arthur brushed some hair off of Audrey's face. "Well, we thought we would take a detour on the way home, maybe make a stop in North Carolina."

Audrey sat straight up, suddenly very awake. She glanced from Arthur to Joan, Joan to Arthur, her eyes wide.

"Really?"

"Yeah. We thought it was a good time to visit your mom," Joan said softly. "Are you ready?"

Audrey nodded. "Aunt Joan and Uncle Arthur, I love you guys, but you don't need to treat me like I'm a little kid. I'm 13, you know."

Arthur chuckled. "We do know, Audrey."

Joan smiled at her niece. "Honey, we just want to make sure you're up for it. You haven't seen her in 6 weeks."

"Well, she's my mom, and I miss her," Audrey said slowly. "But I only want to go if she's okay. It hurts to be with her when she's sad."

Joan looked at Arthur with pain in her eyes. He nodded, as if to say, 'we'll talk about it later.' Joan leaned down and kissed Audrey's forehead.

"Whatever you want, sweetie," she whispered. "Goodnight."

"Night," Audrey mumbled, wrapping her arms around Joan. She turned to Arthur and did the same. He hugged back.

"Night, kiddo," he said. Joan smiled. Arthur was doing a great job at being a father to Audrey. They watched her trudge down the hallway to her bedroom in her red polka-dot flannel pajamas, a blanket wrapped around her like a cloak.

Joan scooted into Arthur's arms and he held her, stroking her straight blonde hair.

"She's mature for her age," he observed, smiling. "Very precocious."

"And sometimes tragic," Joan whispered. "Arthur, she's hurt every time Lily breaks down. How do we protect her from that?"

Arthur sighed. "We don't."

And yet again, Joan was faced with the difficult truth: she couldn't protect the people she cared about. Their fate was out of her hands.

xxxx

Elizabeth's house was filled with joy and warmth year round, but during the holidays it was amped up. Her 16-year-old twins, Jacob and Megan, immediately pulled Audrey away when Arthur, Joan, and Audrey arrived, saying something about a Wii bowling game.

"Jacob and Megan didn't waste a second," Joan said with a laugh, shrugging her coat off and handing it to Arthur, who hung it in the hall closet. Elizabeth smiled.

"They were so excited she was coming! They haven't seen her in almost a year. I think Megan really loves playing the older sister."

Joan nodded and smiled. "Well, I'm glad we got this worked out."

Elizabeth nodded, and went to pour glasses of wine for the three of them.

"Jacob's getting tall," Arthur said, smiling. "He's still playing basketball, right?"

Elizabeth nodded, handing them their glasses. "Yes. And running track."

Violet was due any minute, and Elizabeth's husband, Matt, was in his study, finishing up a work phone call. Arthur put his arm around Joan's waist and the adults stood in silence for a moment.

"So, we're going down to visit Lily tomorrow," Joan said quietly. Elizabeth nodded.

"I thought about going with you guys, but I think Audrey should get to see her mom without it being a big family event. Jacob and Megan want to see her, so we'll go sometime next week."

Joan smiled softly. "That's a good idea. It will be nice for her to see everyone. I was even thinking at we could see if she could be let out for a few days during Christmas, so we could all be together…"

Elizabeth frowned sadly. "Joanie, she can't leave," she said gently, putting a hand on Joan's arm. "I know how much it would mean to you – to everyone – but I don't think that's how it works."

Joan nodded. "Right, um, yeah.. of course."

Elizabeth looked at Arthur. His eyes conveyed to Elizabeth that her sister was more hurt than she let on. Elizabeth took Joan's hand.

"C'mon sis. I want to show you something."

Joan set her wine glass on the kitchen table and trailed behind her sister, feeling like an 8-year-old. The two sisters brushed past Matt in the hallway, who grinned and gave Joan a quick hug.

"Hey Joan!"

"Hey Matt," Joan said, smiling. "We'll be right back, but Arthur is in the kitchen."

He nodded and placed a kiss on his wife's cheek before continuing down the hall. Elizabeth took Joan to the back of the house and opened the screen door, stepping onto the porch. It was icy and wet outside, and they were both freezing, but neither noticed.

"Joanie, I know that this has been hard for you, but we just have to let Lily help herself, okay?," Elizabeth said gently. "I love her, but she needs to fix this on her own."

Joan nodded, a tear falling onto her cheek. "I know, Lizzie, I just… I just feel awful. I can save people every day as part of my job, but I can't save my own sister?"

Elizabeth took her younger sister in her arms. She was the only one who knew what Joan actually did for a living.

"It's different, sis. But we all wish that Lily's life could have turned out differently."

"So it's hopeless? She's doomed to a life of tragedy and pain? That's isn't right."

Elizabeth sighed. "I know, Joanie. I know. But we've tried to alter the course, and we can't. Either she does it on her own, or…"

"Or nothing changes. In and out of hospitals, breakdowns, pills, having her daughter visit her in the psych ward," Joan finished.

"Not every addict can be reformed, and mental illness makes it all the more challenging. She's never been the strongest one of us, Joan. Lily just can't mentally handle as much as I can, and certainly not as much as you."

Joan shivered. "Well, I'm an addict too, and no one is trying to lock me up."

"This is different."

"No, it's not," Joan said firmly. "Lizzie, I… I had a relapse two months ago. A bad one."

"Did you…?"

"Overdose? Almost. Or cut myself? Not this time. But the weight of this whole Lily situation has been siting on my shoulders, and I don't know what I'll do if she can't get better." Joan stopped, before she scared her sister even more. Elizabeth kissed Joan's hair.

"Joan..," she said, her voice filled with worry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It took me weeks to even tell Arthur. I was scared… but I overcame it. But I'm prone to breakdowns, same as Lily. I don't want Audrey to experience one of my relapses, so maybe... maybe she should stay with you if the need to live with a guardian arises."

Elizabeth sighed. "Oh, Joanie. You've had, what, 2 relapses in 20 years? Audrey will be fine with you. If I had been worried – especially about your job, which isn't exactly conductive to raising a child – I would have told you. Plus, you deserve the chance to be a mother. You would have been great at it."

Joan smiled. "Sometimes I wish I had gotten the chance."

Elizabeth smiled, and then realized they were standing outside in the snow. Joan was wearing a red cashmere sweater and her teeth were clattering.

"Let's go back inside," Elizabeth said, putting her arm around Joan's shoulders. "I made your favorite stuffing!"

Joan laughed with her sister, and for a moment, everything felt okay.

xxxx

"I regret to inform you that at exactly 4:03 this morning, Lillian Adelaide Andrews Fox passed away due to complications of a drug overdose. Her body was just too weak, I'm sorry."

A roaring filled Joan's ears and she collapsed into a chair in the ER waiting room. She felt Arthur's arms around her, but it was all she felt. Just the physical. Everything else was gone.

Lily was gone.

"Aunt Joan? Joan, wake up."

Audrey was shaking her aunt's shoulders from the backseat of Arthur's car. Joan opened her eyes and saw Arthur in the driver's seat, looking at her with concern. She blinked.

It was a nightmare.

"Joan, honey? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just… vivid dream," Joan mumbled. "Where are we?"

"Mickey D's, making a lunch stop. We're three hours from the hospital."

Joan nodded. "Okay."

Audrey leaned forward and placed a kiss on her aunt's cheek. "Thanks again for doing this, Aunt Joan. It will be nice to see mom."

"Yeah, honey, it will," Joan said. She unbuckled her seat belt.

"Let's go get some fries, huh?"

"Yes!" Audrey slid out of the car and grabbed her aunt's hand. Arthur took her other hand, and together three of them walked into the McDonald's and got comfortable in a booth. A cozy, tight, little family of three, enjoying milkshakes and mediocre burgers.


	8. Chapter 8

When Arthur pulled up in front of the hospital, Joan suddenly felt short of breath, remembering the first time she visited Lily in a psych ward.

"_Lil? Ohmygod, Lily!"_

_Joan ran down the hallway, still in her Penn State sweatshirt and jeans, with her hair in a tangled, messy bun. She knelt down to her sister's eye level. Lily was in a wheelchair, and her face was pale. She had eight stiches on her left cheek._

"_Hey, Joanie," she whispered, her voice raspy. A ghost of a smile came onto her face. "How's Penn?"_

"_Lily, what happened? Are those stitches?"_

"_Yeah. I, um… "_

"_She tried to resist her meds yesterday, and it didn't work out so well."_

_Joan looked up and saw her mother. Violet was still wearing one of her lecture pantsuits, and she looked tired, her light blonde hair in a French twist and her lips pursed. _

_Joan glared at Violet. "Yeah, thanks for telling me, by the way. When did you get here?"_

_Violet ignored her question. "Joanna, dear, Lillian needs her rest. It's been a hard week."_

_Joan looked at her sister. Lily was staring at her lap, and Joan saw the bandages on her wrists. The cracked, purple-y dead skin on her lips. Dark circles under her beautiful blue eyes._

"_Lil?," Joan whispered, fighting back tears. "Hey, look at me."_

_Lily's eyes met Joan's, and Joan saw the ashamed, painful look. _

"_What happened? The letter you wrote last week said that things were getting better, that this place was helping."_

"_I don't know. Things just got bad again," Lily whispered. She coughed. "But I'll be fine, okay? You have midterms, you should back to school."_

"_Lil, I can't leave you."_

"_You can, it's okay. Cat is coming, and Mom will stay until she end of the week."_

"_But I want to be here," Joan insisted. She took her sister's hand. "I love you, Lil. I want to be here for you."_

"_I know," Lily said. She swallowed. "But I don't want to hurt you, and I know it's hard for you to see me like this. I love you too, Joanie, but please, just go. I don't want you to see me like this."_

_Joan didn't want to argue, so she nodded and kissed Lily's forehead. She stood up and stared at her mother. She pushed past Violet and said nothing, walking as fast as she could to the elevator. When she got outside, she sat down on a concrete bench in front of the hospital and put her face in hands. She cried for about ten minutes, and then got back in her car and spent the 20-minute drive back to school crying some more._

Arthur took his wife's hand and squeezed it. Joan smiled weakly. She looked at Audrey, who was staring at the hospital entrance.

"Audrey, if you're not ready…"

"No, I am," Audrey said confidently. "I'm ready."

Joan pulled Audrey into her arms for a hug.

"You can do this, baby," Joan whispered into the girl's hair. "I have faith in you."

"Thanks, Aunt Joan," Audrey whispered. Joan could have sworn she saw a tear in Audrey's eye, but then it was gone.

Joan had to push back her memories as they approached the front desk. Arthur told the nurse who they were here to visit, and she escorted them down the hall to a small room. Joan knew all too well that places like this had these little rooms – a couch and some chairs, a coffee table, maybe a vase of flowers – for patients to visit with their families. It was too unsettling to see the actual environment someone like Lily spent her day in.

Audrey sat down on the couch and sighed, tapping her fingers on the arm of the couch. Joan just stood near the couch, unable to sit. Arthur kissed her cheek, and then went and sat down next to Audrey. He pulled his niece into his lap.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her. Joan would have laughed if she hadn't been so nervous. Arthur wasn't the best at navigating the teenage mind, and "hey" was about all he could think of to say without stepping onto delicate ground.

Audrey smiled a little bit. "Hey, Uncle Arthur." She relaxed against his chest and they just sat there for a while. It made Joan happy, seeing them so comfortable with each other.

"I was thinking…," Audrey started, turning to her uncle. "Maybe we could start kicking around the soccer ball when we get home? I want to be in good shape for the spring season."

Arthur nodded. "I'd like that a lot."

Audrey smiled. "Good," she said, satisfied with herself. She made eye contact with Joan and Joan offered the most encouraging smile she could.

And then the door opened. Joan's eyes snapped to the doorway and she saw her little sister.

Lily looked pretty good, actually. She was wearing yoga pants and a long-sleeve lavender t-shirt. Her hair was clean and shiny, there were no bandages or bruises. Her lips were pink and full. There was some exhaustion in her eyes, but the second she saw her daughter, it all went away.

"Audrey!"

"Hey, mom."

Audrey jumped up from the couch and walked into her mother's waiting arms. Arthur came over and stood with Joan, watching the reunion.

"Oh, baby, I've missed you so much," Lily whispered, cupping her daughter's face in her hands. She smiled up at Joan.

"Hey, sis."

Joan felt stiff. She walked over to her sister and hugged her warmly, continuing to push away the bad memories. And then she started to cry a little.

"How are you, Lil?," she asked carefully, looking into her sister's eyes. Lily smiled, her arms wrapped around her daughter.

"Better. Not 100%, but getting there."

"And the last time you…"

"3 weeks."

They held each other's gaze, and neither Arthur nor Audrey knew what they were referring to. But Joan and Lily knew, all too well.

_Joan could hear the shrieking from the stairwell. She ran up the stairs and found her sister, crumpled in a pile on the floor, sobbing hysterically. _

_It disgusted Joan that her mother had turned the attic of her house into some sort of prison – a plain, drab, desolate prison. A bed, a table, and a rocking chair – it was like a room in an old age home._

"_Joanna!"_

"_Mother," Joan said evenly, turning back to the stairs. Her mother was holding a glass of water and a pill canister, and her eyes were wet. She was wearing jeans and a black sweater, and her usually perfect blonde hair was in a messy ponytail._

"_Darling, please," Violet said. "This isn't a good time."_

_Lily raised her head and stared at her sister and mother. _

"_Yes, go. Both of you."_

_Violet dropped to her knees and cupped Lily's chin. She handed the pills and water to Joan. _

"_Lily, sweetheart, you need to calm down, okay? Everything is going to be okay."_

_Lily's eyes filled back up with tears and she shook her head violently. _

"_No, no it won't. Nothing is okay." She fell back into hysterics, and Joan set the water and pills on the table. She turned and ran back down the stairs. She made it to the landing before she had to stop and sit down. _

"_It's hard, isn't it?," Violet asked softly, sitting down beside her daughter. Joan nodded. _

"_You said it was bad, but I never thought..."_

"_She has been diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder," Violet said sadly. "But I didn't want… I didn't want her to grow up alone, in one of those dreadful hospitals."_

"_Mom, it's been more than a year," Joan sighed, leaning against her mother. "She'll be seventeen in just a few months, and your sabbatical is up at the end of the semester. Why isn't she taking medication?"_

"_Well she was... and then she wasn't. She started to refuse, and said she was getting better."_

_Joan let her head fall onto her mother's shoulder. "But she wasn't getting better, was she?"_

_Violet shook her head and stroked Joan's hair. _

"_No, sweetheart," she whispered. "It was just the pills."_

"I'm not crazy, Joanie. I just lost my will," Lily insisted, taking her sister's hand. Arthur and Audrey were out in the hallway, getting water. Arthur had seen that look in his wife's eyes and knew that the two sisters needed a moment.

Joan sighed. "Lily, I love you. More than anything, But I've heard that song before."

Lily shook her head and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Joan did have to admit that she looked good. Healthy, mentally and physically.

"I've been taking pills since the week I got here, and I swear I'll never stop. I know now –"

"No, Lil, you don't," Joan interrupted, harshly. She immediately regretted it and bit her lip. "Sorry."

Lily smiled sadly. "It's okay, I get it. I've seen how the other patients act. There was a new one last week – a girl, couldn't have been older than 16 – and she cried for 3 days straight. And I got it. For the first time, I understood what it was like to be on the other side. What you saw every weekend when you visited from college."

"Oh, Lily," Joan said. She squeezed her sister's hand. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Lily said. She smiled. "And I haven't thanked you yet, for taking care of Audrey. She is the most precious thing in the world to me, and you and Arthur are the best aunt and uncle a girl like her could ask for."

Joan grinned. "She's a great kid, Lil. You did well."

Lily laughed. "Thanks."

Audrey and Arthur re-entered the room, each holding two plastic cups of water. Arthur handed one of his to Joan, and Audrey handed one of hers to Lily.

"So, Lily," Arthur said, glancing at Joan and treading carefully. "You'll be home in January, right?"

Lily nodded, smiling at her daughter. "Yes, that's the plan."

"Wonderful."

He gave Joan a look and she cleared her throat.

"We'll give you two a moment alone," she said, squeezing her sister's hand. She kissed Audrey's cheek and she and Arthur walked out of the room and down the hall.

Five yards down the hall, Joan stopped and wrapped her arms around Arthur. He held her close and murmured into her hair, "You did well, honey."

Joan nodded, and pulled back. She wiped a few tears out of her eyes and smiled at him.

"She's better than I expected, but… but I don't want to get my hopes up. Every time I do, they're shattered."

"Oh, Joan," Arthur said, stroking her hair. "It's okay to hope for something. You can't guard yourself form every feeling on the off chance that your heart gets broken."

Joan sighed. "Oh, but it's easier that way."

"Maybe. But you're a strong, sexy, powerful woman. You don't need easy. I've never seen a challenge you can't overcome, and this is no exception."

Joan grinned. Arthur took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately. Joan kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Mhhmm, you're so sexy when you get all firm and adamant," Joan whispered between kisses. He chuckled.

"And you're always sexy."

"Ooh, just had to one-up me, huh?," Joan asked, unable to stop herself from grinning like an idiot. He nodded.

"Oh, yeah. And, my dear, as much as I would like to continue this, we are in a hospital hallway. With family to get back to."

Joan nodded and pulled away, taking Arthur's hand in hers.

"You're right. We should head back. I don't want to overwhelm Audrey."

"I agree," Arthur said, smiling at her. "But there is one more thing I want to discuss with you."

"Oh?"

"I think that what's best for Audrey – and Lily – would be to be around family once Lily gets out of here. And I think we should invite them to stay with us for a while."

"Arthur…" Joan gaped at him, thinking a million things at once. "Do you really mean it?"

He nodded. "Yes, I do. I want you to be happy, and Audrey means a lot to me too. As does Lily. We have room, and I see no reason why we shouldn't do it."

"Yes!," Joan said, throwing herself back into her husband's arms. "Oh, Arthur, what a wonderful idea!"

He grinned. "Well, let's go tell them."

She took his hand again. "Yes, let's."

xxxx

It was a week after Thanksgiving, and Audrey was at her friend Andrew's house for a birthday party. Joan didn't have to pick her up until 9 pm, and it was her day off, so she was taking a long, hot bath. Bubbles and candles, the whole nine yards.

She twisted her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head and slid down until the water came up to her nose. She had a book to read, but she didn't want to do anything except sit in the bubbly water and clear her mind.

"Knock, knock."

Joan jumped, sloshing water onto the floor of the bathroom and putting on her heart. She looked up at the doorway and saw Arthur, chuckling.

"Arthur! You scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry, honey," he said, rolling up his sleeves and leaning against the bathroom counter. He smiled, and Joan laughed.

"Oh, I guess I can forgive you," she teased. He gave a fake sigh of relief.

"Okay, good."

He came over and knelt beside the tub, giving Joan a tender kiss on the lips. She put her soapy hand around his neck and drew him closer for another kiss.

"Mhmm, join me," she whispered, not wanting to move her lips away from his. He chuckled and then, silently, stood up. He undressed and slipped into the tub, with Joan moving to be in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.

Joan moaned with pleasure and rested her head against his chest, taking deep breaths.

"This feels so good," Joan whispered to her husband. "I don't think we've had alone time like this in ages."

He nodded. "No, we haven't. We've been too busy parenting Audrey, and you've been worrying about your family too much to relax – " he kissed her neck again " – and let yourself be happy."

Joan sighed. "I guess you're right. But you make me happy. You and Audrey. The smile on her face whenever we do anything for her, when we ask her how her day went or what she wants for dinner."

"Darling, I know that. But you will never be truly happy until you can fix things with your sister, because she is the one person you can't save, and it terrifies you. But I know you can save her, Joan. Never mind what your mother says, or your sisters. You are an amazing woman, and you can save her. She's lucky to have you. As am I."

"Oh, Arthur," Joan whispered. "You've always been so kind and trustworthy, and believed in me when no else has."

"I believe that what's love is," Arthur replied, smiling. "When you love someone, you see the things they sometimes don't."

Joan closed her eyes and took his hand under the soapy water. They sat in the bath for a while, just being with each other, enjoying the silence.

* * *

Did anyone get the Jack's Mannequin reference? ;) Sorry this update came a bit slow - very busy. And happy new year!


	9. Chapter 9

Weeks flew by until it was Christmas Eve. Joan, Arthur, and Audrey were spending it just the three of them. Joan and Lizzie had tried to get the whole family together, but Cat and Emily wanted to spend Emily's one-month break traveling around Europe, so they were going to wait and have a family get together in January, when Lily got out of the hospital.

Joan had never realized until recently how small a role family had been playing in her life for the last 15 or so years. Of course she had been there for Lily when Michael died, and for Cat when her husband left her and Emily when Emily was just 12 years old. She had told Lizzie about her job about ten years ago, and she emailed or talked on the phone with her mother at least once a week.

But Joan had always been distant – even when she and her sisters all lived in the same house. She didn't want to be distant anymore, she wanted to see Cat and Lizzie more than once a year. She wanted to get to know her nieces and nephews better. Audrey had really showed her that she didn't know her sisters kids as well as she should have. On Thanksgiving, when she saw Lizzie's 16-year-old twins, Jacob and Megan, she realized she hadn't spent more than a few hours with them since they were 11. They drove now, they had college to prepare for. Jacob has a serious girlfriend, and Megan was working on getting straight As so she could go to Harvard Law School.

There were many roles Joan had played in life – daughter, sister, drug addict, spy, wife – and especially back when she was a field agent and had a collection of aliases. But she wanted to be a better sister, and she wanted the role of proud aunt. She wanted to be at Jake and Megan's high school graduations, and Emily's college graduation. She wanted Audrey to be able to call her and tell her how life was going, once she was back home with her mom.

So, on that afternoon of Christmas Eve day, Joan made a big decision.

"Arthur?"

"Yeah, babe?"

Arthur looked up from his desk and made sure Joan was by herself. She laughed and closed the study door behind her.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. Audrey and her friend Lila are downstairs, watching a movie and making bracelets."

He sighed with relief. "Phew. Okay, great. I still have some presents to wrap." He gestured to the Barnes & Noble and Forever 21 bags next to his desk.

She smiled and sat on the edge of his desk, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it.

"Aww."

He chuckled. "So, what's up?"

"I've been thinking," she started, tugging on the hem of her purple sweater tunic. She looked up at him.

"I need to tell my family about my job. All of them."

Arthur sat back, thinking.

"Are you sure?," he asked carefully. "I mean, Lizzie took it relatively well, but she's always been pretty cool about things. I think Audrey says "go with the flow," right?"

Joan laughed and nodded. "Yeah. But?"

Arthur sighed. Joan could always tell when a "but" was coming. "But Cat sees you as her baby sister, and Lily trusted you with her child. Both of them may be a little unsettled to find out that you've been a spy for 20 years and they didn't know."

Joan nodded. "I know. And I thought about that, a lot. But we all trust each other, and I'm a grown woman. I mean, I'm 41, for God's sake. It's not exactly fair of Cat to worry about me. We're not 20 and 7 anymore."

Arthur laughed. "But honey, you know she does."

"Yes. But I've been doing this for while, and I'm not even in field anymore. I'm far less likely to be in danger behind my desk," Joan said. "And I think keeping it a secret any longer will prevent me from being able to get closer to my sisters. I mean, everyone but Lizzie thinks that I work at the World Bank, and you're a lawyer. You may be overt, but geopolitics aren't exactly on my sisters's radar."

Arthur nodded. "True."

"So I want to tell them everything," Joan said firmly, looking into her husband's blue eyes. "Will you support me?"

He reached out a tucked a lock of wavy blonde hair behind her ear, nodding.

"Of course, Joan. I will always support you, no matter what."

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Thank you," she whispered, putting her hand on his cheek. "You're wonderful."

"Nah, I'm just trying to be a good guy and look out for my wife," Arthur said with a smile. "You're definitely the better half."

Joan laughed. "Debatable."

He smiled and put his hand on her thigh. "Not to me."

She grinned, putting her hand on top of his.

"So, need help wrapping those presents?"

He nodded, eyes wide. "Yes, please! I have no idea how to wrap a dress."

Joan laughed and stood up, walking over to one of Arthur's cabinets and searching for gift bags. "Oh, you'd be lost without me."

"Indeed."

xxxx

Arthur, Joan, and Audrey sat in the living room later that night. They had just eaten dinner, and now they were going to open some presents. Audrey insisted on saving her stocking and all the family gifts for Christmas Day, but when Joan suggested that Audrey open her presents from Joan and Arthur on Christmas Eve, Audrey had been quick to agree.

She sat next to the tree in her jeans and chocolate brown cashmere sweater, and a hand-me down of Joan's. It was a little big on her, but she pulled it off the Andrews way: looking like a trendy young model, hanging off the shoulder. Arthur sat in the armchair a few feet away from the tree, Joan nestled comfortably in his lap. She caught Arthur's eye and smiled, excited to watch Audrey open her presents.

"Aunt Joan, Uncle Arthur? Before I open anything, I have something for you guys," Audrey said, pulling a bag from way under the tree. Joan widened her eyes in surprise.

"Oh, baby, you didn't have to."

Audrey smiled and shrugged, handing them the bag. "I wanted to."

"Well, thank you very much," Arthur said. His hands were wrapped around Joan's waist, so she opened the gift. She dipped her hand in the bag and shook away some tissue paper to reveal a picture frame. It was painted a sea-foam green color, with white lace glued over it. The bottom had the words "Best Aunt & Uncle Ever" scrawled in Audrey's pretty cursive, which looked strikingly similar to Joan's. The frame had a picture that Megan had taken on Thanksgiving of the three of them. Arthur and Joan sat next to each other on a piano bench, and Audrey sat in their laps, half on Joan's leg and half on Arthur's. They were all smiling brightly, and if you didn't know them, you could have sworn that Audrey was Joan and Arthur's daughter, not niece.

"Audrey," Joan gaped, tracing the lace pattern with her finger. "Did you make this?"

"Yep. In art class. A huge benefit of private school is that the art teachers have a huge budget!," Audrey said with a grin. "At my school back home, we had to use popsicle sticks for, like, everything."

Arthur laughed. "We love it, kiddo. You are very talented."

Audrey blushed. "Thanks. I think I might want to be an artist someday, or an interior decorator. If I'm not a professional ballerina. But as much as I love ballet, pointe shoes hurt. I've only been on them for a few weeks, but…" She trailed off, looking into Joan's eyes.

"Aunt Joan, there's a letter in the back for you. Both of you."

"Can I read it now?," Joan asked, turning over the frame. She opened the back of it and saw a folded up piece of binder paper tucked in between the back of the picture and the frame backing. Audrey nodded.

Joan unfolded the letter and cleared her throat, reading it aloud:

"Dear Aunt Joan and Uncle Arthur,

Thank you so much for taking care of me while my mom gets better. I love living with you guys and I wish we didn't live in different states. I've always had to be strong for my mom, even when she's doing well, and I'm fine with that. But for once, it was nice to be a kid and have someone looking after you and knowing you don't need to do the same for them. My mom make a great PB&J, and she loves me just as much as you guys do, but the difference is that I never have to worry that every once a while Uncle Arthur might stay in his room for 3 days straight. You guys did a great job of protecting me and making sure I was okay, and even though I'm old enough to understand that life isn't always fair, you worked very hard to make life easy for me. Both of you were amazing parents to me, and if you still can have a kid, that kid would be the luckiest one in the world. I want to thank you guys again for all you've done for me – for taking me shopping and walking me to the bust stop and getting me into a local dance company. And Uncle Arthur, I know ballet isn't your thing, but you came to my recital, which was awesome! Aunt Joan, you also have lots of pretty jewelry and stuff that you've let me borrow, so thanks for that too. I love you both so much, and the picture frame speaks the truth: you are the best Aunt & Uncle _ever_. Just don't tell Aunt Lizzie or Aunt Cat, okay?

Love, Audrey."

Joan looked at Audrey with tears in her eyes.

"Honey, this is so sweet."

Audrey beamed, jumping up into Joan's lap. She wrapped her arms around both Joan and Arthur, hugging them.

"I love you," Audrey said into her aunt's hair. Joan held her niece close to her, savoring the moment. As wonderful as Audrey's letter was, it also reminded Joan that she only had a few weeks left with her favorite little girl.

"Audrey, that's a beautiful letter," Arthur said, smiling at his niece. She grinned. For a minute, everything was quiet. But then Joan cleared her throat, pushing away the pain and emotion.

"Honey, why don't you open your presents now?"

"Okay!"

Arthur and Joan watched proudly as Audrey opened the gifts. Both Joan and Audrey were impressed at the dresses Arthur had picked out from Forever 21: a white lace dress with ¾ length sleeves, a light blue dress with a white bow print, and a peach dress with a black lace skirt. He also bought her the complete series of _Gossip Girl _on dvd, which gave the girls a good laugh. Some of the presents Joan picked out included Harajuku Lovers perfume, a pink sweater with roses on it, and a pretty purple scrapbook for Audrey to fill with memories from her stay in Virginia. Audrey also unwrapped a pink hoodie with little black polka dots that Joan had found in the J. Crew kids section, the first 3 Princess Diaries books, and a cool blue floral pillow from Anthropologie.

When Audrey was gone unwrapping, she gave her aunt and uncle another round of hugs.

"Thank you so much, you guys didn't have to buy me all these gifts," Audrey said sincerely, smiling.

Arthur shook his head. "Of course we did."

"We never get to spoil you," Joan said with a grin. "That's what family is for, right?"

Audrey laughed. Joan preserved that memory in her mind, of Audrey laughing and smiling. She wanted to hold onto it when the house became empty again.

Later that night, Audrey was tucked in bed, and Joan sat on top of her and Arthur's comforter, scrolling through pictures on her iPhone. She had taken a few tonight, of Audrey showing the Gossip Girl dvds to Arthur and trying to explain the show to him.

"Stop worrying," Arthur whispered, sitting down next to her. She glanced at him, preoccupied.

"Huh?"

"Something's bothering you," he said simply, kissing her cheek. "What is it/"

She sighed and turned to face him.

"I'm really going to miss Audrey," she confessed. "I just… I don't want her to leave."

"Sweetheart, did you forget? We asked Lily and Audrey to move in here."

"Yes, but once she learns about my job, she won't want to raise her daughter in this house," Joan said, looking upset. "And you know Lily, she'll want to prove that she can be dependent. I love her, but I still think she might revert back to her old ways after a while. Keeping her chin up and insisting she can do it all, hiding the fact that she's falling apart. Arthur, if she gets stuck back in the hospital again.. it's not healthy for Audrey."

"Whoa, slow down there, tiger," Arthur said, a slight smile on her otherwise serious face. "What happened to believing Lily was changing? You were adamant a few weeks ago. And as much as I love Audrey, she is Lily's daughter, and Lily is the one who decides what's best for her, not us."

Joan sighed. "I know, I know. And I do want to have faith, but.. it's hard."

" 'The things that are most worth it are often the hardest'," Arthur said. He smiled at his wife. "Do you know you told me that?"

She smiled. "Yes. Me."

"That's right. When we first started dating, and I didn't know how to get out of my unhappy marriage, you told me that as hard as it was going to be, it was worth it. _We_ were worth it. I've never believed anything more in my entire life."

"Aww," Joan said, leaning in to give Arthur a kiss. "Who knew you were such a sap?"

Arthur laughed. "Guess I'm full of surprises."

Joan and Arthur got under the covers, and just after Arthur turned out the light, Joan snuggled up to him and whispered, "Maybe it will be okay."

"It will be," Arthur said, kissing her hair. "No maybe."


	10. Chapter 10

I'm sorry it's been so long, guys! I had one last college app, and then I got back to school and things started to get hectic again... thank you all for waiting so patiently! This will be the last chapter, with the exception of a short epilogue. I enjoyed writing this story, and it makes me happy to know y'all enjoyed reading it :)

* * *

It was the end of January, and Violet and Lily were due at the Campbell's in the next hour. Joan's sisters and their families were sitting in the living room, making small talk and the kids were in Audrey's room, watching a movie. Joan stood in the kitchen, staring into the sink as if it had all the answers she craved.

Arthur stood in the hallway for a moment before going in. Joan was so nervous that he was surprised the tapping of her ballet flat hadn't created a dent in the floor yet.

"Honey?"

Joan looked up at him, in a bit of a daze.

"Huh?"

He admired her bravery – when he told his family about his overt status, they all assumed he had gone straight from the Navy to being the DCS. And he hadn't corrected them, told them about the ten or so years he spent as a covert operative.

He put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her lips.

"You can do this."

She nodded absentmindedly and switched to staring at the fridge. Joan was dressed impeccably, as always – dark straight-leg jeans, a pretty blue floral top that brought out her eyes, and a gray sweater looked perfect with her hair half-up. He loved seeing her dressed in regular clothes instead of her sheath dresses and heels for the office. But complimenting her outfit wouldn't help, so instead, he whispered, "And remember, I'm right beside you."

She nodded and took his hand in one of hers, her other hand reaching for the "safe passage" necklace Arthur had given her on their last anniversary.

The doorbell rang and Joan froze. Arthur was afraid that she was going to stay glued to the floor, but she unfroze and walked to the foyer, bringing him with her.

Cat was pulling open the door to reveal – Lily. Healthy and happy, her bright smile and blue eyes shining. Her hair looked wonderful, blown out and trimmed, and she was wearing jeans, flats, and a light pink cashmere sweater. Violet stood behind her, and made eye contact with Joan the moment she stepped inside.

Joan nodded, to tell her mother that she was fine.

Hugs were exchanged between everybody, and Lizzie went to grab the kids. Megan, Jacob, and Emily gathered around their aunt, hugging her and commenting on how good she looked. Audrey shyly made her way through her family, wearing the white lace dress Arthur gave her for Christmas. She passed Joan and Joan squeezed her niece's hand, then watched as Audrey threw her arms around her mother.

"Mom!"

"Audrey." Lily sighed happily, holding in daughter in her arms. When they finally pulled apart, Lily stroked Audrey's hair and kissed her cheeks.

"Oh, honey, you look wonderful. So healthy and happy."

She looked up at Arthur and Joan, grinning.

"Thank you so much, again."

Arthur smiled and nodded. "Any time. Audrey is a lovely girl and we had a great time together."

"Yeah, Uncle Arthur bought me this dress," Audrey told her mother as they walked into the living room. Lily laughed.

"You did, Arthur? I guess your shopping skills have come a long way."

Joan laughed, and only Arthur noticed that the light was absent from her eyes. Lily looked at her sister.

"You remember that, Joanie?"

"What?," Audrey asked, looking from her mom to her aunt.

"I certainly do," Lizzie chimed in. She smiled at Audrey. "It was Uncle Arthur and Aunt Joan's second anniversary, and he wanted to buy her some clothing at Anthropologie. He was so proud of himself, and he showed the clothes to Lily. They were totally not Joan's style! So he and Lily went back and spent 2 hours picking out the perfect present for Joan."

Everyone laughed and more funny family stories branched off of Arthur's rookie shopping mistake. After an hour, there was a break in conversation Joan knew she had to seize. She didn't want to steal her sister's thunder, but somewhere in conversation, Lily had firmly stated that she didn't want to talk about the hospital today, she just wanted to focus on moving forward. She wanted it to be a normal family gathering.

Well, Joan was throwing a bit of a wrench into that. She squeezed Arthur's hand and cleared her throat.

"I, um... I have something important I want to share with everyone," Joan said. She looked around the living room. Audrey sat in Lily's lap, their backs against the coffee table, and Violet was sitting beside them, holding an iced tea and glancing over at Lily every few minutes. Elizabeth and her husband Matt sat on the couch, Jacob and Megan squished between them. Cat and Emily were sharing an armchair, and suddenly Joan felt nervous.

'The last few months have shown me the importance of family, and I feel that I could be closer to all of you than I am. I'm a closed-off person, but I want that to change. To change, I need to give you all full disclosure about why I've seen so isolated for the last twenty years, and I'm sorry I've lied about it."

She studied everyone's faces. Concern, confusion, worry. She felt Arthur's hand on her lower back and continued.

"I'm a spy. I work for the CIA. My job may be dangerous, but despite that, I love it. I can't imagine doing anything else."

Lizzie smiled at Joan, and raised her hand just the slightest bit to indicate a high-five. Joan winked at her, and then surveyed the rest of the family's reactions.

The kids mostly looked stunned and confused. Violet didn't look surprised, and her smile suggested that she had figured it out long ago. Emily was trying to wrap her brain around the fact that her aunt was a spy, and Cat looked worried, with a hand on her heart to match her pained face. Lily was unreadable, and likely still processing.

And then Jacob broke the silence.

"Wait, but don't CIA trainees have to pass rigorous physical tasks before going out in the field?"

Joan was confused. That was the first question about her job? She nodded."

"Um, yes, Jake. We do. I passed with the second-highest score in my class, actually."

"But.." he was obviously confused. "I beat you when we went on that run the day after Thanksgiving."

Joan laughed. There it was.

"Sorry, kid. I let you beat me," she said with a grin. He groaned.

"Aunt Joan!"

"But only a little. You're good," she said. He smiled, satisfied.

There was more silence, and then Cat spoke up, clearing her throat.

"So… you've been a spy. This whole time."

Joan nodded, bracing herself.

"Yes."

"Joanie, why? I mean, you could get hurt. It's a completely reckless job choice. Didn't you think to tell us before taking on such a dangerous job? What if you died, and we never knew why? "

Emily put her hand on her mother's arm.

"Mom, it's okay." She looked at her aunt and smiled. "I think Aunt Joan is really brave. She protecting our country from really bad people. She's not reckless, she's brave."

Cat's face softened and Joan returned Emily's soft smile.

"Thanks, Emily," she said quietly. Emily nodded.

"I suppose you're right, dear," Cat said to her daughter. She turned back to her younger sister.

"You are brave. You always have been. I'm just being an older sister, worrying about you."

Joan nodded. "I would expect no less." She grinned at her sister. "And you can worry a little less, because I'm not in the field anymore. I manage a whole division, actually. My operative are the ones out there in the field, and there are a few that I hold my breath for every time I send them out." She thought of Annie and Auggie, and she knew Arthur could sense it. He squeezed her hand.

"You're a hero."

Everyone turned and saw Lily, hugging her daughter close to her, looking at her sister.

"Michael died for his country, and while there isn't a day I don't miss him – " she bent over to smooth Audrey's hair and kiss her forehead. " – I'm proud that the man I married was brave enough to disregard his own safety for our country. Just like I'm proud of my big sister."

Joan felt like she was about to cry, and she felt her heart expand in her chest, Grinch-style. It was the most wonderful thing anyone had said to her in a long time. She had never heard Lily reference Michael's death so directly, and besides the fact that it was a beautiful sentiment, Lily's words made Joan realize that her sister had changed this time.

Joan smiled, and a tear slid down her cheek. "Thanks, Lil."

Lily nodded. "I love you, Joanie. You've always been my hero, my champion. Whoever you're saving, whatever you've done – they're lucky to have you."

Joan looked around at her family, all of whom were nodding or smiling. And then, of all people, Audrey piped up.

"Aunt Joan, you're _awesome_."

The room broke out into laughter and Arthur kissed Joan's hair. There was something about Audrey's simple statement that made the truth easier for everyone. Because it really wasn't much more complicated than it sounded. Yes, Joan had a secret life, and yes, she had been lying to her family for years. But at the center of all of that, she did what she did to protect not only her family, but her country. And everyone could agree that it was pretty awesome.


	11. Epilogue

Joan sat on the back porch, her sister seated in front of her. Joan was braiding Lily's hair, tugging on the golden ropes she had divided the hair into so the braid was tight enough.

"Ouch! Joanie!"

Joan laughed. "Lily, I've been doing this to your hair for 30 years, you're telling me it still hurts?"

"Yes," Lily replied. She laughed. "Is that pathetic?"

Joan shrugged. "No." She paused. "Okay, maybe."

The sisters giggled and Joan finished, slipping a hair-tie off her wrist and securing the braid. She admired her handiwork, smiling.

"I still got it."

"A hot body? I agree."

Joan jumped. Arthur was bent down behind her, and his breath ticked her ear as he whispered. She blushed, and was thinking of a sexy reply when Audrey came out of the house, cradling a soccer ball.

"Uncle Arthur, are you ready?"

Arthur stood back up, nodding.

"You bet, kiddo."

Audrey grinned and took a running leap off the back porch, flying over the 3 steps it took to reach the grass. She noticed her mom and Joan, and grinned.

"Nice braid, mama."

"Thanks sweetie. You going to kick Uncle Arthur's butt in soccer?"

She nodded and ran across the backyard to set up the two goals. Arthur groaned.

"Thanks, Lily. I'm so screwed."

Joan laughed, smoothing the skirt of her white summer dress. "Don't worry, honey, I'll cheer for you."

Arthur laughed and ran up to Audrey, who was waiting for him, pulling her long blonde hair into a ponytail. Lily scooted back and sat next to her sister, and Joan placed her arm around Lily's shoulders. Lily cheered for Audrey and Joan for Arthur, as the two played an intense game of one-on-one soccer. It was early evening, and it was warm, but not uncomfortably so.

Lily and Audrey had been living with Joan and Arthur for 6 months, and it was even better than Joan could have imagined. Granted, there were tricky times, like when Joan had to call and tell Lily that although she couldn't disclose the reason, she would have to stay at work late. Or when Auggie came to the house for dinner, and Joan couldn't say if he worked with her or not.

None of that mattered to Joan. All she cared about was her sister and Audrey. Lily was safe, happy, and healthy, and Joan had a feeling hat it would stay that way for a while. And on the days it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, Joan would be there for her sister. She had already explicitly told Lily that if she needed Joan for _anything,_ she should call and Joan would come right home from work.

Joan was filled with pride every time she saw Audrey's smile. Her niece was happy to spend the rest of the school year with her new friends, and it looked like Audrey would go to eighth grade and maybe even high school in Virginia. And Joan got to spend more time with Audrey, who she loved more than she ever thought she could love another person. In a different way than she loved Arthur, of course.

Arthur, Joan, Lily, and Audrey made up an odd little family, but it worked. Joan got to be closer to her family, and within that she found a way to finally open herself up, both to vulnerability and to love. To close relationships with her nieces and nephew, her sisters, and her brothers-in-law.

Her pain and worry over Lily had lead to the best thing that had ever happened in Joan's life, and the last year had proven that everything is worth it in the end.

* * *

And that's a wrap! ;) Glad you guys loved this story so much! Keep your eye out, I have a very special J&A story on it's way that is different from anything else I've ever written...


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